:: a life.. undescribable.. ::

2004-01-29T10:40:00.000+08:00

aft dunno how many donkey mths.. i'm back in action! *lame*

nothing's changed.. life's juz shit.. the big thing rite now is me n my gf.. 6 mths already.. haha.

other than tat.. am in the singapore raft race.. and am gonna win tat dang 1000 buckeroos! hopefully the raft doesn't sink thou.

and rekha.. love u alot mah.

2003-10-22T10:40:00.000+08:00

man.. i didn't noe i could make parents hate their own child.. all did was to love her, and give her everything to the best of wat i can. and they think she's pushing me ard. all the things i do.. i do it cz i wanna do it for her. not becoz she 'bosses' me ard. tats crap. she's my gf. i would do anything for her. she ain't bossing me ard.

God, y did u make me meet her family? why does her mum have to change in such a way tat she's behaving so differently to my baby.. ? sometimes i wish i didn't meet her family. its juz causing her so much of trouble. i hate myself, God. y put her thru this? becoz of me, her mum said all those things to her..

i dun deserve a girl like her.. she's juz too fantastic. she should be getting a betta guy.. someone who spoils her crazy and takes care of her every need. ma, am sorry for causing u all this.. i now even make ur mum say all tat to u. i hate myself ma.. very sorry ma.. really very sorry.

2003-10-20T16:38:00.000+08:00

her mum's b-day ended yesterday.. and all thxs to BABA, her mum was so happy. when the guy came over and gave her vibuthi from puttharpatti, her whole face juz lit up. seeing her face was like so wonderful.

the highlight of the day came aft tat. we went down to the esplanade with her mum n dad.. walked ard.. snapped alot of pics.. we then went on a boat ride down the river. was so beautiful man.. my baby by my side.. boat cruising down.. fucking cool.

baby and me stood at the boat of the river at one point of time. was juz so beautiful. wind was blowing.. damn cool. juz wanted to hug her and kiss her lips.. sigh, such a spoiler cz her folks were behind us.

lo0ve my baby loads.. i'm juz hoping i'm showing it to her the rite way. i do seem to ignore her at times becoz of many other stuff but juz can't help it though.. i'm bad at multi-tasking. hope i do get to show it to her tat she means the world to me..

2003-10-18T13:26:00.000+08:00

project's over at last.. but exams r up next. stressed to the max.. meeting my baby's helping alot. been neglecting her the past few days cz of my dang project and now tat i have the time, i'm gonna spend every minute with her.. of course i have to juggle my studies in btw too.

yesterday was great. met her parents and her aft sch.. went ard bugis to get her shoes then we went for a gd dinner. ate vegetarian mee rebus.. was so hot man.. damn thing set my tongue on fire.

seeing her yesterday was juz so gd. miss my baby. gonna be out with her later.. haha. *on cloud nine*

2003-10-09T10:43:00.000+08:00

soemthing's been wrong.. ain't sure wat.. maybe its juz me i guess.. didin't see her properly for the past few days.. came down to her place today.. and i think i been acting cold towards her or wat.. i dun get it. but we been at loggerheads since morning..

been missing her badly.. and thought of meeting her today juz made my day so gd. then i think i was appearing cold and all.. man, sometimes i juz wished i could tell her how i really feel inside. i might have be acting wierd outside.. but i was juz so glad to have seen her today.. sigh.. God.. pls tell her for me.

2003-09-30T12:24:00.000+08:00

hmmm.. miss her so much.. am at her place now.. juz realised how much i need her and all.. yesterday was really bad.. didn't see her the whole day.. and ma baby, having alot of things going bad for her thought tat it would be best if she juz ignored me.. bad move thou.. juz made me so crazy. missed her so badly tt i cried badly.

juz wish i could be there for her every single time.. it juz suxx. sch and all.. suxx so bad. juz wish i wasn't studying. it would be alot easier. tat way, i can juz come see her anytime. but hey, i'm studying now so tat we can be happy in the future.. she's juz so damn important to me.. sigh.. love tat girl..

2003-09-29T10:21:00.000+08:00

i noe i said life suxx on the last entry.. but life's too great to suck now.. my gf loves me.. her mum treats me like family.. life's juz too great. although there is this small apprehension tat the mum might find out one day, its been going really great. found a great family.. :D

had a talk with my baby last nite.. hehe.. juz great lar. neva felt so lucky in my life.. greatest girl in the world.. and she loves ME!

neva wanna let her go for anything in the world. she's juz too precious to lose lar.. sigh.. *cloud nine*

2003-09-25T10:45:00.000+08:00

haha haha.. damn long time. lots have been going on as usual. fucking busy with sch.. exams r coming up. life suxx. tats abt it for now. will be back soon to fill in the details of my so-called life. haha haha

2003-09-08T13:29:00.000+08:00

long time it has been.. so much has happend.. fallen in love.. gone thru so much hurdles in tat already and now something new has to come up again. her folks are restricting her big time. their intentions are to get us to study first.. but dun they realise how much of pressure they are putting on her. sigh.. hopefully all goes well man.. juz love her so much. can't see her broken like this. oh god.. help her.

2003-08-07T11:31:00.000+08:00

been the same.. nothing the same. only difference is tat i have one less person on my back. i am so much more free-er in sch now. dun have to be afraid of saying the wrong thing or doing something he might not like. juz dun give a fuck anymore. on monday, was standing outside the lecture rm waiting to go inside. had my discman on and was playing a game on the phone. louis suddenly had to come up.. and since i was engrossed in my own world, all i heard him say was 'bloody keychain'. he had one of my keychains u see.. so he juz 'kindly' returned it back.. couldn't help but snicker aft he left. tat was juz so damn childish.. lol.. sigh. guess some ppl neva grow up. since i had no use for the damn thing, i placed it in the place most deserved.. the dustbin.

anyway, i been catching up on my studies and stuff.. so it hasn't been tat bad. got a new pal in class, jeremy. he's nice.. kinda am out to him. he's been taking it ok. hang out in class with him now.

miss my pals so much.. been like so busy. juz wish i could spend more time with 'em.

rekha.. u been great. thanx for everything. luya babe..

2003-08-02T10:06:00.000+08:00

so long since i updated.. and so much has already happend. we had a big fallout yesterday. went for maths lesson in the morning and i sat beside him. aft lesson finished, he kinda turned to me and asked if i had told his mum tat he wasn't talking to me properly. told him i did and he juz blew me off for telling her abt it. like i had a choice and all.. i was juz so fucking shit hell frustrated with the way he was behaving and i asked his mum. should have asked him, true enough, but when u have the feeling tat u r gonna get blown off, would u eva approach tat person? so well.. lesson finished and i had to rush off to meet rekha. he msgs me telling me he wants to talk to me. i msg back telling i have to go out of campus for awhile to do something. i did have to go out of campus.. but i came back in for awhile to get something done.. and he sees me with her.

immediately, he came and blew me off.. saying i was a first class betrayer.. i dunno in which way. and he shouted at me in front of everyone else ard the place. we were like the highlight of sp by the way.. rekha who was beside me.. had to call him a bastard and he came back and blew her off too..

one question he asked her kinda took me back thou. he went like, "u think u care so much abt him issit?! i care abt him more than u do!". the only thing tat came to my mind was the past few days.. where was he when i needed him the most? was having so much of problems at home and there was no one i could turn to.. he was giving me a cold shoulder in sch.. who was i supposed to turn to? where did all the caring go? was sick for the past few days.. didn't go to sch. no call or even a sms asking if i was fine. tats caring?! oh wow! din't noe tat.

true enough.. he was there when i needed him all this while.. but these were the times i needed him so badly.. and there he goes. i ask him abt his gf everytime.. make it a point to. but he.. not even a word from him abt wats happening in my life. not even a 'how's things at home?'. tat was caring to him?! LOL!!

2003-07-24T10:50:00.000+08:00

at sch now.. louis has been actin wierd with me all day .. i do try to talk. but its like something's bugging him abt me. he seems to be talking to his classmates fine.. when it comes to me, he juz kinda retreats. dun get it at all.. i'm too afraid to go talk to him abt it cz i'm juz afraid we might have a big fallout. juz taking it as it comes. guess ppl change.. everyone does in my life..

rekha called and cheered me up in the morning.. talking to her, kinda made me forget wat i was actually going thru with louis. am so glad i found her.. dunno wat i would do if i didn't have her to make me laugh every single time. made her sad last night.. everything's resolved.. she's juz so understanding and all. great girl.

2003-07-22T23:01:00.000+08:00

same stuff.. day in day out. beautiful day yesterday thou. went to botanic gardens with rekha.. sat near the pond and ate. she bought dinner for me.. chinese veg food. was nice.. wat made it all so nice was her serving the foody to me. :D juz brought me back to the times my granny used to sit beside me and serve me food while i ate. juz felt damn happy.. dunno y. all ended gd yesterday..

not too bad today either.. juz hung ard.. so sleepy now..

2003-07-20T17:19:00.000+08:00

been long eh.. juz busy coming back home aft sch.. and hitting the bed aft tt. :D long nights r becoming usual. kinda fun hanging on the phone with rekha thou. makes me forget all my worries and be like this small kid all ova again.

sudenly i'm having this burning desire to be betta than anyone else. wanna prove it to everyone tat i'm not someone who is like gd for nothing. i wanna juz show all those bloody fuckers tat i'm no lesser than anyone. and i will do it. juz fuck them rite up.

2003-07-14T20:15:00.000+08:00

sch was ok.. was juz falling asleep. haha.. been doing tat for the past few days. long nights on the phone. man.. i'm getting so used to sleeping less. tats gd in a way. i dun actually sleep and instead i can use the time to study and all..

rekha is juz one hellava babe lar.. talking to her one can become a child all ova again. babes.. if u r reading this, thanx for the great company all this while. u perk me up big time. u r a great fren and on top of all.. my babes. ;)

2003-07-12T15:05:00.000+08:00

contradicting to my last entry.. i think i'm actually getting over vaani. i might not even consider getting back together if there was a chance. wat guarantee is there tt things might be the same and all.. wat if the brothers and sister make a problem again.. would neva be able to go thru such pain again. i lost her once.. and let it be tat way. if we r really meant to be, she'll come back to me. i shouldn't wait along and all. she might still be loving me.. but she doesnt act tt way. i had enough of thinking she might come back.. getting myself down everytime.. i have enough problems in my hands.. dun need to imerse mysel in another one.

2003-07-07T21:42:00.000+08:00

woweee! saw vaani yesterday.. fell in love with her all over again man.. she pulled me up to dance too. damn on! wanted to juz hug her close and tell her how much i miss her.. well, didn't wanna spoil it for myself. so i stopped myself. she called today. was talking and all.. she claims it was juz done in the context of her treating me as a fren. wateva it was, i'm juz on cloud nine for seeing her yesterday. been a little more than a mth since i saw her last. miss my chellam..

lessons started today.. was juz the usuals.. lecturers gicing us the intro of the lesson and all.. tats abt it. nothing kinda beats yesterday thou.. :D

2003-07-05T21:46:00.000+08:00

was an ok day today. went out with daniel.. had gd steamboat. went to the arcade aft tt. had a gd time there man.. had this futuristic kinda shooting game... it had so called 'bullets' comin' out of it man.. so cool. daniel was great company thou.. kept me entertained pretty well.. great fren i found in him.

2003-07-03T22:11:00.000+08:00

having a freaking migraine since last night man.. juz getting bad. today was shit. had to go flag day .. stayed on an empty stomach from 8-5. was gonna faint any bloody moment. ah well.. am gonna turn b4 it gets worse.

2003-07-01T23:09:00.000+08:00

am juz a loser.. i think i kinda spoiled sangs day for her.. was so moody and all. juz couldn't be myself as much as i tried. vaani juz kept coming back into my head. everywhere i walked at town, i saw vaani and me holding hands and walking. juz hurts so much.. can neva let tat girl go.. wanna cry every minute.. have to hold back so many tears.. so much emotions..

seem to be a happy bloke on the outside. but i'm crumbling on the inside. sometimes, it juz gets to me bad. i juz want her back in my arms.. and this time ard, i'll neva let her go.. no matter wat happens.

2003-06-30T19:57:00.000+08:00

spent the whole day out today. met louis, his mum and granny for brunch today.. went ova to amk central. ate. aft tt, louis and i left for sp.. went all the way there to collect this stupid orientation package. headed out to town aft tt.. went down to GNC to collect my membership card. headed down to borders.. ate once again at burger king..

saw this book at borders.. was named 'a promise to nadia'. was the 2nd part of the book 'sold'.. was damn heart wrenching man.. this nadia girl grew up in britain. and was sold to some assholes in yemen by her dad. they forced her into marriage to a sickly guy back in the fucked villages of yemen. she was some kinda slave.. the experience of her life there.. almost teared while reading the part where she had to give birth in the mud house.. there was no anaesthetics or even proper equipement to help her give birth. she juz had to give birth to her baby on the mud ground. while giving birth to one of those few babies.. she had some complication. the baby got stuck on the way.. so the lady who was attending to her birth, took a rusty blade.. and cut her vagina to let the baby come out easier..

the best part abt it was tat, the wound wasn't stitched back. it was juz left open for it to heal by itself. and her 'husband' forced her to have sex with him aft a few days without even considering the fact tt she was still unwell.. fucked fellas .. in a world like this, women still choose men ova butches.. sigh.. women!

2003-06-29T12:19:00.000+08:00

no matter how much i try to elude myself from her, i always seem to be thinking twice as much abt the times we used to have together. juz can't get her outta my system. i noe i should.. i'm juz sitting ard waiting for a girl who can juz blow my mind off man.. maybe then i can get over vaani. nah.. tat shouldn't be the way thou. i should get over her completely first. if not, it'll look like i'm loving another girl to forget her.

sometimes i wish god created me in a different way. someone who wouldn't bother .. or get hurt easily. someone who would understand my gf abit more betta. someone who can afford to bring her to really nice places. all i can afford is a damn meal at a low grade coffeeshop. even tat, i can't seem to afford at times.

2003-06-25T00:31:00.000+08:00

decided. ain't gonna live my life waiting for her. it ain't juz worth it. she ain't gonna come back to me. she's juz gonna sit in her fucking hole and talk shit abt me. she ain't bothered abt working things out with me. so why should i give a fuck too? if we r meant to be, maybe we'll come back together some day. meantime, i ain't gonna give a fuck.

hurts deep inside. loved her so much. i dun deserve this crap. she'll realise one day.. and she'll come running back. let her be with whicheva fuckin' dickhead. i dun care.

2003-06-22T01:27:00.000+08:00

noe wat i am at the end of de day?!.. a fucking '9'

2003-06-22T00:49:00.000+08:00

confusing.. juz confusing.. man, been ranting so much abt her for the past few days. she juz fills my mind.. was watching this movie juz now. had this 2 youngsters kissing.. man, they really loved each other. got reminded of us. *sigh* juz tat in the movie, the guy was actually a GUY. reality suxx. why can't i juz have a damn dick. how come i dun have facial hair or a rough voice even.

i hate the body i see when i look in the mirror. it juz sucks when u have to live in a body tat ain't urs. why do i have to be this way? i hate god for getting me born like this. its sheer torture when i have to look in the mirror when i shower. i juz hate it. trapped in a body tats not mine. AARGH!!

2003-06-20T13:15:00.000+08:00

she claims she still loves me. but she doesn't wanna have a relationship. cirsumstances have changed her she says.. wateva it is, all tat is juz getting to me. wat did i do to her? why punish me this way?

nothing in my life is decided by me. everyone else pushes me into a situation without having to think abt how i feel. and suddenly they juz leave me in the lurch. do i deserve this kinda fuck.. i dunno. maybe i do. fuck me.

2003-06-19T14:32:00.000+08:00

was thinking abt wat i was gonna do 5 yrs from now. i noe i wouldn't be like how i am now thou. would go for an op.. maybe move elsewhere. but somehow it seems all blank now.. juz like a few weeks back, i was thinking of a nice life with vaani and all. it all ended so abruptly. wanna get married to her, aft my op tat is. but looks like i might neva get to even live with her.

had a dream.. was all alone, living in a big house with no one .. all the dreams i had to have a family.. a great wife and kids.. looked so impossible. scaryy..

2003-06-17T22:13:00.000+08:00

today.. dunno wat to say. juz thinking abt today makes me split my sides.. latha, louis and myself planned to go canoeing at east coast today. we were initially supposed to meet at 10am. but louis, with his ingenious ideas, said if we could wake up abit earlier, he could get his pop to drop us at east coast. so instead of 10 am, we changed plans to be at the beach by at least 7.45am. so i had to get my ass off bed by 5.45 and meet louis at his place at 6.30am. we couldn't kinda like pick latha up on the way cz it would have been a longer way ard and it was inconvenient for louis's pop. so i called latha, and told her to come to the beach by like 8.30.. so as the day went, louis and i ended up on the beach. we had our mats and sat by the shore.. winds started coming in really strong and a big storm was coming up ahead. we kinda took shelter.. and ended up waiting for 1 and a half hr for the damn storm to clear up. the storm was damn huge and it made us so freaking cold. we waited and waited for the storm to be ova but it didn't seem like it would end today. so we called louis's pop again and got him to fetch us back home. so we got our asses off the bed b4 the crack of dawn to go canoeing.. and we ended up waiting for a storm to clear up and instead came back in the middle of it. frustrating as it might seem, thinking abt it juz makes me laff.

the best part abt it all.. while me and louis got cold and wet from the rain, latha decided not to come down and slept till 12.30pm.

2003-06-16T13:57:00.000+08:00

big tiff with louis.. really went bad. but all sorted out now. tat fella means loads to me n i dun wanna lose the friendship.. met him last night and kinda caught up with stuff and all. lots betta now.

vaani's been confusing me. she tells me she loves me and all.. but the way she acts somehow contradicts it. can't help thinking she's playing ard. but inoe her betta than tat. she ain't playing ard. she's juz confused. she'll neva be able to let another guy touch her cz i was the one she gave rights to. and i noe tat she'll neva give the same rights to another guy. i juz wish everything has an explanation. i juz gotta wait it out i guess.

things at home.. fucked as usual. but i ain't gonna bother anymore. let them do wateva they wanna. i'll juz live my life and leave this place once i finish school. can't wait for the 3 yrs to finish thou.

2003-06-13T22:06:00.000+08:00

realised i'm no one at all in anyone's live.. ppl juz call me out cz they either pity me or have no one else to go out with. suxx so bad. why the fuck even do tat?! dun even fucking pretend. dun need ur fucked pity.

Go to hell.

2003-06-11T19:17:00.000+08:00

why is she even doing this to me? do i deserve this? no!.. or maybe i do.. for all those times i treated her wrong. all those times i blew my temper on her.. and most of all, for not being a guy. tats it. tats wats been bugging her.. me not being a guy.. i took care of her betta than any of her x-guys. so y the hell do i deserve this.. to hell with her family. i noe i shouldn't be blowing them off like this but their makin' my heart break. she was happy with me.. and becoz of them she leaves me in the ditch.

her family is so unstable.. one day they push her away and the next they bring her back in. why doesn't she see it? i noe its family and all tat crap. but i'm family too.. well, a different kinda family. i need her more than anyone else in the world. her family has themselves for each other... let it be. why the hell take her away from me?! they r bloody selfish i tell ya.. juz bloody selfish.

ok.. i might be the wrong person for her.. but juz let her decide tat. why the hell does her sister have to influence her into making a decision. sheesh.. no one understands.. simply no one.. she doesn't understand tat i need her and love her so much.. she left me in the ditches for ppl who have everyone else.. this is juz unfair..

2003-06-09T20:20:00.000+08:00

i hate myself for being like this.. getting despised by many.. esp. by those who dun even noe wat kinda person i am.. juz fucked up. why did i have to be born like this.. no respect is given for ppl like me. u think u r so perfect juz becoz u r fucking straight?! i'm no lesser. in fact, i bet i have a betta character than u.

i dun get it at all.. girls get entangled in lives with all kinda bastards but they wouldn't even think abt going out with someone like me. wat the hell is my fault? dun i keep 'em happy? why the hell did they all have to leave?

a loser.. tats wat i am. the biggest loser on this entire face of the earth.

2003-06-07T14:05:00.000+08:00

My life will never be the same
Cause girl you came and changed
The way I walk, the way I talk
Now I cannot explain
These things I feel for you
But girl you know it's true
So stay with me, fulfill my dreams
I'll be all you need, it feels so right
I've searched for the perfect love all my life
it feels like
I have finally found a perfect love this time

You rocked my world, you know you did
And everything I own I give
The rarest love, who'd think I'd find
Someone like you to call mine

2003-06-07T00:54:00.000+08:00

went to the beach yesterday with louis.. his mum joined us later. was fun. louis and i went for a swim and came out of the sea loads darker. somehow we got back our natural tan today. day was well spent yesterday.

vaani called me the night b4 yesterday. had a big so-called confrontation. she made me cry so bad. but hey, kinda gotten over it.. not the love i have for her, but the confrontation we had. she still loves me. said so today. she said we'll see how things go in the future. now is not the time to be talking abt our relationship cz of her family and all. understand it perfectly. i'll wait.. let her take her own time. will always love her. i noe she does too.. enough for me.. :)

2003-06-03T23:09:00.000+08:00

she still loves me.. i noe it. maybe she juz strayed or something.. who noes. all i noe is tat i love her .. and will do so till i reach my grave. it hurt when faridah told me all tat. its ok.. i'll endure it. she'll realise one day and she'll come back to me. we are meant to be. she herself said it. we will remain tat way.

its juz so impossible to let go of her.. she's my baby.. my mah.. how am i to let go? even if she tries to make me hate her, i definitely can't. i love her so much.. i love her so much..

2003-06-02T22:37:00.000+08:00

things r not wat they seem to be i guess. so many words are spewed out in the name of consolation. enough of ur fucked acting. juz show ur true self yeah. i noe i dun mean a crap to u. why the hell dya even say i mean something to u, when it all doesn't matter anymore.. why the fuck dya have to fake urself up?! dun do it anymore yeah.. juz dun. u are pushing me into depression.

2003-06-01T23:19:00.000+08:00

ah well.. the last i updated was this afternoon and so many things have happened. the only solace in my life has left.. wonder how long it'll take to come back to me. life's juz so uncertain eh.. u get replaced by new ppl in ur frens' lives.. and then, u have ur gf who comes and says.. hey, i dunno if i would be urs..

i guess i'm really a nobody now. everyone is juz too busy with their own shit. who would be interested in mine eh.. life's juz crap. 19 yrs of existence on this earth and i done anything worthwhile in my life. well, one worthwhile thing tat happened was vaani becoming mine.. but even tat now.. *sigh*

i had it gd for a long time i guess. God must be thinking.. hmm this asshole has not been going thru enough. so there i go.. pushed into another wave of turmoil and uncertainty.. juz tat i dunno if i would eva get outta this, this time round

2003-06-01T17:09:00.000+08:00

changed skin today.. looks too elaborate. like the background thou. ah well.. i'll see wat modifications i can make.

vaani hasn't called since yesterday. missing her so much. really hope she's been fine. the only solace i have in my life is her. told myself not to be dependent on others much.. it hurts when u realise a few things. ah well.. those few things won't be elaborated upon.

not been in the right mind. so many things been bugging me. not in the mood to talk abt it either. who cares anyway? the rest are all so preoccupied with their own damn life. let them be in their own holes.. i'll be in mine.

2003-05-31T22:57:00.000+08:00

had this feeling today.. very odd one thou. feels like i'm unwanted by everyone in my life. i mean like.. wats the big idea huh? u wanna get something from me juz ask me straight in the face. dun do it in the pretext of calling me out.. pretending to care for me.. like as thou u give a fucking care. maybe i'm juz in a fucked mood.

at the end of the day, everyone has their own business to attend to. they'll have their gf, bf, wife, husband to get back to.. and while their humping away in their bedrooms, life's juz so blissful to them. wat abt me?! i think abt making everyone happy and there i get it.. blown off in the face by some fucked ass. why do i have to act differently juz to make u happy?! u noe how much i had to give up and go thru juz so tat u wouldn't point a finger at me one day?! oh yes i am irritating to u. of course i would be.. i am the fucking fool here. go to ur fucked significant other and juz be with them ok. dun bug me anymore. dun even dare..

2003-05-30T12:03:00.000+08:00

well well.. wats new eh? got a haircut. i look like an army recruit now.. mum juz saw it and she's been rambling on abt it. she hates it when i cut my hair real short.. been telling me not to do it. But do i bother listening? nope..

went to sp yesterday.. got my admission card done. had to go thru like a mini orientation where the students were trying to tell us abt the clubs.. and activities going on. Boring.. and oh yeah.. have to mention the fact tat the place is so farking big and confusing. we took like a half hr trying to find where the admin blk was.

saras msged me last nite. aft like 2 yrs, we r back on gd terms again. she msged saying tat we should put the past back and its a pity we ain't frens like last time and all. totally agree with her. we were such gd frens. bad fallouts and all.. we didn't talk for like 2 yrs. added her in on msn last night.. and were talking abt wateva happened for the time we were not talking.. felt really gd. got back a lost fren.. thanking God for it.

2003-05-27T13:40:00.000+08:00

met latha yesterday.. talked so much of stuff with her. then both of us went to meet louis. sat down at a coffeeshop and talked stories.. we planned of going to ubin next week. i need something to take my mind off missing vaani. its juz making me go crazy. everything i see ard me reminds me of her. she called me juz now and was telling me abt her exams. kept telling her tat i miss her. *sigh*

ah well.. abt the plans to ubin. louis, latha, kenneth and myself r going.. kinda cool. might be there the whole day. do some cycling.. trekking. juz relax out the whole time.

been reading so much of novels lately.. juz this mth alone i've read 3 novels already. tats quite a record for someone who usually takes like a mth to read one. books r becoming a substitute to all the fun times i used to have. damn .. life is boring..

2003-05-26T15:15:00.000+08:00

vaani's exams have started. she called last night and was telling me there might be days she wouldn't call at all.. *sigh* missing her so much already and its juz getting worse. but looking on the bright side, if she does well for her studies, there'll be no one else more happier than me. thinking of it, i would rather she studies. i can always come later.

met louis last night too.. man, we met every single day for the whole of last week. kinda gd also. been getting closer to tat fella. i guess its like making up for all those times we had fights and all. meeting latha later. miss tat girl to bits. long since i saw her. actually only a week or so.. but yeah. its been long since we met and talked. sangs hasn't e-mailed yet. wonder wats with her thou..

2003-05-24T13:51:00.000+08:00

haha.. at last! got a hang of this damn thing. took the whole morning juz to change the damn background. shalz.. if u r seeing this, thanx for ur help yeah.

nothing new today.. juz the same shit. bored to the max.. vaani hasn't called yet. wanna hear her voice so badly.

met louis yesterday too.. went to his granny's to do this maths review the poly had sent me. went down to the coffeeshop below his place as usual.. ate and talked shit as always..

2003-05-23T14:41:00.000+08:00

nothing much happening since last time.. went to the gym with louis yesterday. now my arms and shoulders are aching shit.. really wanna build up my muscles.. get so discouraged at times thou. seeing those other fellas pumping iron in the gym.. juz wanna give up.

vaani called last night.. talked for like an hr. we were juz blabbering off half the time but it was really gd talking to her for that long. miss her so much. wanna see her as soon as possible b4 i go nuts. guess i might have to wait till end of june.. sigh..

2003-05-21T14:27:00.000+08:00

ah well.. got it set up AT LAST! bored day.. been meeting up with louis often. gd thing thou.. feeling so isolated from everything lately.. at least meeting up with tat fella kinda feels betta. vaani's been busy with her studies and all. hasn't got tat much of time to meet me up. all this juz makes me so depressing. all my frens get to see their significant other and spend some quality time together, while i'm sitting here juz hearing her voice ova the phone. well, its betta than nothing but i miss her so much. i tell her often to study hard and do well for her exams. gotta be understanding.. she doesn't wanna regret later on abt not spending enough time with her studies. ah well, i juz gotta sit and wait till i can see her again. wanna hold her in my arms.. n smell her soft hair.. oh gawd..!! miss u mah..

2003-05-21T13:15:00.000+08:00

juz started this thing out.. lemme see how it goes. will be back later to update on prgress.